Thank Goodness, Days Are Getting Longer

Depressed…

So I haven’t made good on my promise tell you about the depression I’ve been in. Aside from the seasonal depression (SAD) I’ve been dealing with a few physical issues. One is just because I’m getting older and not necessarily paying attention to scaling back some of my activities. My body has been reminding me and I’ve had two minor procedures to rectify those issues.

I also had a prostate biopsy and for two weeks I worried about having cancer. I don’t.

But for the time leading up to the biopsy and for the two weeks between it and having the results I was in a state of reflection, worry, and dark fear of what it would be like to face cancer. And the existential fear of death loomed, ever present in the background.

To be honest I still can’t completely talk about things, not just yet. But I can tell you that this Christmas is one of the most meaningful I’ve had, or will have. That’s because for the second time in the last twenty years or so I’ve had to deal with my mortality. While things aren’t necessarily clearer to me I do know that there are people in my life that love me. I do know that there are things I still have the desire to accomplish, and, thankfully, I still have the breath and energy to go after those things.

And there are people that I love, deeply and dearly. So many people…

If you’re reading these words, if you’ve met me in real life or just here in the ether and have felt anything for me (even disagreement) know that I love you.

The two biggest lessons I’m taking away from this darkness I’ve been in  is that I can increase my circle of compassion and I still have an irresistible urge to live creatively.

More later…there’s a family movie marathon going on. We’re doing all the Marvel flicks, in order chronologically…

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