Do you ever sift through the bullshit
that falls from the lips of street people
we pass on streets of our lives
so that one day we can find some truth?

In one day in the life of a fool, or maybe
once in a month, wouldn’t enough of something
right come out of his or her mouth as they
blew funky smoke from found cigs on the street?

Aren’t there jewels hidden in garbage all over?
Treasure everywhere waiting to be found by those
willing to crawl under or through fetid dreams
for one diamond, one flower, the lotus in the mud…

In memory I see you fallen brothers and sisters
from so long ago in my childhood in concrete and
asphalt visions. I left, you stayed, went to war
over there and at some far away place called home

Your ghosts I see and hear in drunk, or high,
slovenly voices walking past me, hollow people
who carry your spirits, I need you to leave me
alone, just like I wanted you to when we were young

The only truth you taught me was to learn not to hate,
not to fight, not to ever look down on anyone else.
You taught me to treasure the small, the weak, the hated,
for they carried love and blessings, and gifted souls.

So for that, thank you, but banish all the visions of stark
poverty and red-lined streets and greedy men and their
fancy clothes, they’ve gutted my dreams, spilling me out like
wasted meat and mud thrown up against life’s walls.




Signposts From Somewhere Else

So, I’m having a phone conversation with a really good friend who’s telling me that once I calm down (if you know me you rarely see ‘calm’, nor associate it with me) I would be able to read the signs that the universe sends out. We’re doing the rapid fire back and forth as we’ve always done, even though it had been years since we’ve spoken to one another, and she starts talking about a movie with ‘signs’ as a pivotal aspect in it.

I, of course, immediately ID’d the flick’s two main characters but cannot remember the movie’s name so I have to Google it because I want to write about ‘signs’ and calming down, and something else: letting go. Or as my more religious friends and family members would say, ‘giving it up to God.’

So be it. And the movie is “Fools Rush In” an interesting little rom-com, opposites attract story. The whole signs thing doesn’t happen for the guy until he learns to open himself up to aspects of ordinary life around him. When he does the signs are everywhere…but I digress. My friend, let’s call her Max, reminded me that she has been reading every word I’ve put up here and on Facebook since Robert’s cardiac arrest. And she focused on this particular post from Robert’s first week in the ICU at UPenn Presbyterian hospital as the point when I finally ‘let it go and recognized the angels’:

Personal Note: Last night I watched a helicopter slowly land on Robert’s hospital as I was walking back to our hotel. I stood there in the dark and cold thinking of the life being rescued by that pilot and the EMT’s on board. I remembered the orange suited EMT’s and pilot at the hospital in Wilkes-Barre as they were prepping Robert for his flight to Philadelphia. I was in tears as I asked them to take care of our son, barely able to get the words out.

As I passed the pilot all I could do was reach out to him and gently touch the wings on his badge. He gazed knowingly at me with the eyes of an experienced air warrior. I know that aside from all the prayer angels interceding on Robert’s behalf that he has been in the hands of angels from the moment he stopped breathing in his aunt and uncle’s house. Patty and Lan were the first of those angels and I felt my heart open to all of my son’s angels as I watched this pilot expertly navigate in the wind and the night to help rescue yet another stricken person.

I’m reminded that while I consider life to be random there are so many that believe otherwise. In this case I totally surrender to them because if not for the invention by Igor Sikorsky and the training of these pilots and medics…perhaps very different outcomes for these precious loved ones in the hands of angels.

I’d like to think I’m open to the unseen, as someone who has experienced unexplainable things I know there are aspects of being beyond the rational. Shit you just are not seeing or feeling if you’re not open, if you’re not ‘letting go’, happens all around you. I mean if you just consider things we know, things that we do have evidence for, like radio waves, gamma rays, or X rays, are all around us, but we don’t see them.

Have you ever been in the presence of a ghost?

I have, and before I thought myself crazy a person in the room with me, a person I hadn’t met before, or had even been in that house before, knew it was there too. I don’t know if it was a ghost or a spirit, or an angel. But I do know it was there and that the visiting friend of my housemate knew (felt) it as well.

I’m in awe of what’s happened to Robert in the aftermath of his cardiac arrest. The outpourings of love and friendship are amazing. The help we’ve been offered and received shows that there are angels in human form all around us. People that have called on their deity in prayer have lifted him and those of us in his family out of a dreadful situation. While I would question those who say it was a part of the deity’s ‘plan’ for the trauma to have occurred in the first place I’ll respect their belief systems and thank them for being so fervently rooted in them to have offered their prayers for us.

And while I remain more convinced in my own way of recognizing higher forms of energies and spirits I do find myself willing more and more to ‘let go’ of any belief that I can control what happens around me. I can only be responsible for what and how I respond within my own limited means. The rest I let go to all of the angels who have stepped forward for my son and my family.

God bless you, each and every one.